tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52899502011-04-28T22:32:39.544-04:00Fun with Scared Little MammalsObservations of the scared little mammals that call themselves humans.
<br><b> Email me at Admut239@aol.com or IM me at Admut239</br></b> Send Me an IM to let me know you've been reading....Also if you would like to receive an email with my new posts....email me at the above address requesting so.Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.comBlogger621100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1157485744856974022006-09-05T15:46:00.000-04:002006-09-05T15:51:19.443-04:00Dogs Die Early With the exception of the angry little dogs with the eyes on the sides of their heads and the protruding morphed foreheads, I love dogs. However, I don't buy into the dog years myth. Your dog died at age ten – not age 70. Dog years are ridiculous. Dogs aren’t on a special time plane; they just die fast. Deal with it. Fluffles wasn’t 98 years old when he died. You know why? Because Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1157483625499890242006-09-05T14:54:00.000-04:002006-09-05T15:13:47.596-04:00Thank God its CrackDay - The other day a homeless guy said to me, “Thank God its Friday!” It was Wednesday, but still I thought…What??? Homeless guys have weekends?He’s really going to take it easy and just lie around this weekend after a hard week of begging. Sorry folks, he won’t be taking money this weekend. He’s going to sit outside, smoke some crack and catch some rays, or maybe he’ll do Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1157481971564182402006-09-05T14:42:00.000-04:002006-09-21T21:09:32.820-04:00Herman from the Black Lagoon - It would be horrible to be from the Black Lagoon and not be the creature. Every time you meet someone and you tell them where you’re from, they say, “Oh wow. Do you know the creature?”Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1157013162077748002006-08-31T04:01:00.001-04:002006-09-01T22:20:59.506-04:00I've had no Loch Kicking Old Hobbits - I saw this special on television about these coke-bottle glasses wearing wackjobs that swear they've seen the loch ness monster (at 3am through the fog while they were walking their cats). It's time for these people stop searching for the Loch ness Monster and try finding something just slightly less elusive, like someone to take their virginity. Honestly,Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1157011069558523282006-08-31T03:44:00.000-04:002006-08-31T04:00:20.236-04:00Who didn’t see this one coming? This face to my right is the catalyst for my return to the FWSLM blog. I had to post about it. He is the nut job that shot up a school in North Carolina. I mean, COME ON - LOOK AT THIS KID! Who didn't see this coming? Do you think anyone is going to say, "I can't believe it; Alvaro was always such a nice boy, he never killed animals and was always so social." NO. Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1132628096227348562005-11-21T21:53:00.000-05:002005-11-21T22:17:39.763-05:00Totally girls! Totally Tits! - (after months on the practice squad, this post finally made it to the big dance) I want to create the first doll with full giant tits with nipples. It would just be a regular girl doll, except with boobs. "Why" you ask? Kids love tits. Adults love tits. This doll would be so fun!!!! Barbie came close with those hard benign lumps. This doll would have fully mature Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1132627376392043932005-11-21T21:40:00.000-05:002006-08-31T13:10:03.120-04:00Fact: Every single dentist in the world is named “Marc” or “Mark.”Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1132627002686448092005-11-21T21:36:00.000-05:002005-11-21T22:18:49.873-05:00The Cute Exception - I think dogs are cute, even big dogs. But I have one rule for calling a dog cute - I don’t call any dog “cute” that has a bigger dick and balls then me. Like male Bull Mastiffs, for example. These dogs have massive nuts and a pretty big penis. Maybe I’m weird, but I just can’t call this animal cute. You just can’t be cute with a giant dick and balls…Period.Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1110791492256370952005-03-14T04:09:00.000-05:002005-03-14T04:11:32.256-05:00Senile Airlines - I just read a “heartwarming” news story about a 95 year old woman, nicknamed “Mama Bird” who still flies planes. Yeah, a 95 year old pilot. I have no problems with old people who still swim, who still play music, or still play tennis. But I don’t think anyone over 70 should drive. And I certainly don’t think anyone over 90 should fly a fucking plane. Not only because of theAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1110490567476980532005-03-10T16:33:00.000-05:002006-08-31T13:21:15.866-04:00Juicy Juice - At work the other day I had to watch footage of Jose Conseco and Barry Bonds. A couple days before that I was watching old footage of Jason Giambi and Sammy Sosa. What did I learn? Steroids really work. Wow. These guys were so clearly on steroids; they were huge. Now I personally don’t have a problem with professional players who take steroids. I think it’s the ultimate sacrifice. Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1110222568707711802005-03-07T14:07:00.001-05:002005-03-07T14:12:05.446-05:00Kitchenware Racial Tension - I always hear the expression “the pot calling the kettle black.” In other words, someone guilty of something accusing someone else of being guilty of the same thing. See, I think it’s fine if a pot calls a kettle black, as long as the pot is black. It would be a lot worse if the pot was white. It would go down like this:Pot: Yo Kettle, what’s up my nigga?Kettle: What?Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1109203549395850722005-02-23T19:01:00.000-05:002005-02-23T19:06:50.586-05:00Bye Bye Birdie - Don't little birds know that adult humans aren't going to fuck with them? It's the kids they need to worry about. I am getting really frustrated with cute birds flying away every time we make eye contact. Yeah, maybe I do want to play with them. So what? I'm not going to hurt them. Just give me a chance little birds. I can be your Snow White. I can be your old woman from Home Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1108762204092088872005-02-18T15:54:00.000-05:002005-02-18T16:30:04.096-05:00Not so fine China - So Apparently Chinese cell phone users set a record by sending 11 billion text messages during a week long spring festival celebrating the Lunar New Year. The messages generated over 1.1 billion dollars in revenue. This doesn’t even include “discarded” messages text messages like, “Boy this Government sucks,” or “I am SICK of communism.” It's also amazing that of all the text Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1108455419662996722005-02-15T03:16:00.000-05:002006-08-31T13:19:38.203-04:00Hot Wheels Conversations - Remember those hot wheels playsets? Like Big Lava Mountain where there is a jump through the volcano or something equally lame. Could you imagine if there was a real couple in one of those little cars. The dialogue would be like this:Passenger: Are you sure we’re going the right way?Driver: Yeah, yeah relax.Passenger: I think we should ask for directions.Driver: I thinkAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1108189525973095152005-02-12T01:24:00.000-05:002005-02-15T01:36:00.560-05:00No Fear Morality – If you’re ever wondering why America is so aggressive and competitive these days, think no further then the T-shirts that were around just over a decade ago. Those stupid “No Fear” shirts that plagued a generation - shirts worn by kids and even adults across the country with slogans like “second place is the first loser” or “my goal is to deny yours.” These shirts have totally Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1108108680337986252005-02-11T02:48:00.000-05:002006-08-31T13:27:41.573-04:00Dr. Suess is Overrated -(my little brother aided this observation)I recently was in an art gallery dedicated to the artwork ofDr. Suess – the most overrated writer ever. The drawings, yeah they’re cute, but as a “poet,” Suess is a fraud.DEFAULT RESPONSE: “Oh c’mon. I love Dr. Suess.”Well, Dr. Suess is overrated because he takes the easy way out of rhyming. He can never think of a rhyme so he justAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1108108120996038242005-02-11T02:39:00.000-05:002007-01-23T20:46:11.000-05:00What I Learned in Puerto Rico - I think the official activity there is sitting in a chair outside a store/gas station/ restaurant. Any where you go, there are men just sitting outside in chairs talking. They stare at you when you walk in and it creeps me the fuck out. But the beaches are fantasticAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1108106450280576642004-11-03T02:20:00.000-05:002005-02-11T02:22:35.616-05:00Saturday Night Dead - In Britain, a television channel is looking for a dying person to volunteer his/her body to decompose on “live” television. Decomposing live on television isn’t a new a idea. Larry King and Andy Rooney have been doing it for years.England’s “Channel 4,” which was the nation’s first station to show a live autopsy on television, is looking to show the decaying body for Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1108105815801429122004-11-03T02:08:00.000-05:002005-02-11T02:11:14.100-05:00Lions vs. Jesus - My friend recently sent me a story on MSNBC.com about a man in Taiwan that tried to get lions at a zoo to convert to Jesus. Apparently, he couldn't do it from the viewing area so he had to jump into the exhibit. Stupid? Not when Jesus got yo' back. Shit, Jesus never lets people die.So the moron jumps in and then stands there trying to get the lions to become Christians. All the Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1085934453450712772004-05-30T12:25:00.000-04:002004-05-30T12:27:33.450-04:00Smell that Glacier- I just bought a new deodorant yesterday. This one’s scent is “aqua reef” to replace my “glacier falls.” Glaciers don’t smell. Glaciers are ice! I’m also pretty sure that if a reef smelled like my “aqua reef” deodorant then all the fish would die. Now I’m not sure what these products actually do smell like, and therefore I can’t provide accurate titles for the smells, but Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1085526350215395002004-05-25T19:05:00.000-04:002004-05-25T19:07:17.546-04:00If you want your pet fish to grow strong, you should raise them in Propel Fitness water.Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1085145908525131122004-05-21T09:23:00.000-04:002004-05-21T09:25:08.526-04:00Gross Little Non Babies - I’m not a fan of people who announce their political agendas via bumper stickers on their shitty cars. The other day I saw one that made me rolls my eyes. It was a slogan I had heard many times before, “It’s not a choice. It’s a child.” I wanted to follow that person to their house with an oozing fetus and tell them to hug it, feed it, take care of it and love it. Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1085012744014964782004-05-19T20:24:00.000-04:002004-05-19T20:25:44.013-04:00But White People be all Like - I’m not the biggest fan of rap music, but I have been known to enjoy a “phat” beat once in a while. There is something I really respect about rap that you just don’t see in white people music; the lyrics are completely straightforward. White music always pussy foots around topics. For instance, Tom Petty sings the song “Last Dance with Mary Jane,” which is about Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1082302181690992212004-04-18T11:29:00.000-04:002004-04-18T11:33:37.310-04:00Awesome-Tism-It seems to me like every communication disorders major at Emerson works with autistic kids. What about all the other re-re’s? Some kid told me the reason for this is the high turnover in the working with autism “industry.” I asked him if he had any savants, and he said that idiot savants are like one in two hundred. It would be funny (well not funny if I were the parent) if a Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1081275137274161522004-04-06T14:12:00.000-04:002004-04-06T14:15:57.466-04:00Ever Since My Kid Died on a Tube Slide.....-One thing that gets to me and really shouldn’t is when people go into careers because someone in their family died from something related. An example would be a guy who, since his family was killed by a volcano, dedicates his life to studying volcanoes. He is actually doing a disservice to volcanoes because the more lives he saves, the less families Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1079947467333182272004-03-22T04:24:00.000-05:002004-03-22T04:27:47.000-05:00Poacher Prejudice-Why are poachers portrayed so negatively in movies? That certainly contributes to the job draught. A generation of kids raised to think poaching is evil means no poaching majors and no future poachers. I bet there good money these days in poaching. I mean think of all the lives that have been saved by elephant tusk removal. I know if I’m in Africa, I’ll feel a lot safer. Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1079394063330095472004-03-15T18:41:00.000-05:002004-03-15T18:44:46.950-05:00Serious Scooby- Imagine an episode of Scooby Doo that was really serious and violent. While Shaggy and Scoob are dicking around, one of the monsters sexually assaults Velma at gunpoint and then smashes Freddie’s head on the curb. All of the sudden the case isn’t so silly, and Shaggy and Scooby Doo’s little eating binges just aren’t so forgivable. For a good time, try applying the serious and Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1079148972452243652004-03-12T22:36:00.000-05:002004-03-12T22:39:19.763-05:00Deal with It- I saw this special on T.V about these Siamese twin sisters. One is a country singer and the other is a lawyer or some shit. It really annoyed me. You aren’t fooling anyone with your silly “dreams.” No one looks at them and thinks….what a great singer or lawyer. People think one thing and one thing only: Siamese Twins. So, give it up girl(s) the game is over. Stop trying to Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1079148340853934732004-03-12T22:25:00.000-05:002004-03-12T22:28:48.293-05:00Batman Vs. Joe Muscles-I previously wrote about that one asshole in the gym who has to give other people unwanted advice. I bet this asshole would give super heroes tips on working about if he were in the gym. Imagine lets say, Batman is working his triceps. This guy, whom for the purpose of continuity we shall call Joe Muscles comes up to Batman and this dialogue is exchanged:
JOE MUSCLES: “Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1076977837475396542004-02-16T19:30:00.000-05:002004-02-16T19:33:37.530-05:00Letter to Fitty-Here is a letter I want to write:
Dear Fitty Cent,
My name is Adam. I’m a TV/Video major at Emerson College. The other day I was walking down the street and I had an idea for a rap rhyme. On the street there was a Jetta parked and inside it had leather seats. I was thinking that a good rhyme would be a “Jetta wif Letta” Letta would be like saying leather in a ghetto way. IAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1076270835983391402004-02-08T15:07:00.000-05:002004-02-08T15:09:39.560-05:00Nutcracker Sour- Sadly, the girl with two heads has died. Doctors are now second guessing their procedure which involved using a lobster cracker to pop the second head.Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1076270197244997322004-02-08T14:56:00.000-05:002004-02-08T14:59:00.153-05:00Michelle...Switch!-I want to marry Michelle Tanner. Not the Olson twins. Michelle. In other words, I would be married to Mary Kate and Ashley, but they would alternate as Michelle. That way, when Ashley gets cranky or bitchy, I’ll tell Mary Kate to come in and kick out Ashley. Or if things got really heated, I could beat the shit out of Mary Kate and then have Ashley come in while Mary Kate’Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1076008447166464742004-02-05T14:14:00.000-05:002004-02-08T15:11:43.873-05:00Jacket Patches- I notice a lot of black guys have big bubble jackets and hats with patches of the different N.B.A teams all over. As a jew, I was thinking of doing something similar: taking a pea-coat and putting patches of different mutual funds and brokerage companies all over.Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1076008232741646692004-02-05T14:10:00.000-05:002004-02-05T14:12:52.263-05:00Letter from Wolfboy at summer camp
Dear Mom,
Fuck you mom. Seriously fuck you for always telling me how handsome I am. I’m fucking hairy as shit. Now that I’m with other kids I see just how abnormal the hair all over my body is. Maybe if we had a goddamn T.V in the house I could look at the T.V and say “Hey Mom how come Hey Arnold isn’t covered in fucking hair?” But no. You send me to Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1066691759463776412003-10-20T19:15:00.000-04:002003-10-20T19:16:58.443-04:00Chick Farts-Whenever a girl rips ass, there is always that one witty guy who has to say something to the like of "that's nasty, girls don't fart!" Well, that chum is wrong. They do! And it’s even grosser because their farts must smell like a combination of poop and flowers, undoubtedly nastier than the less ambiguous pure shit smell. Therefore, in a relationship, it is the male's right to Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1066145022777584962003-10-14T11:23:00.000-04:002003-10-14T11:23:42.653-04:00Men's Healthy Regurgitate- How do people keep buying Men’s Health and Muscle and Fitness Magazines? It is the same issue every time. All you need is one issue and you’re set. Every cover story is along the lines of trim your abs, burn fat, build your arms, and when the story isn’t the main cover, it moves to a side story, but its in there, and the exercises and methods never change. It’s the Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1066023291114995992003-10-13T01:34:00.000-04:002003-10-16T12:00:40.170-04:00Splitting Personalities-So they split those two toddlers, Achmed and Mohammed, who were connected at the head. Ironically, in order to take the two kids’ heads apart, doctors had to put their heads together. Bahzing! Anyways somehow these brilliant doctors untangled all the blood vessels in the two boys’ brains. The high tech surgery replaces the speedier, yet less efficient method of a power Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1065857831251292962003-10-11T03:37:00.000-04:002003-10-16T12:01:42.530-04:00Yuppies Puppies- Often when I walk through the Boston Commons, I notice some Beacon Hill residents frolicking around with their dogs. Its a dogs and owners afternoon get together. I forget what its called, where all the owners socialize as the dogs lick each others asses and hump each other. The situation is funny because you know the owners have the same thing on their minds. Its an Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1065485363698271222003-10-06T20:09:00.000-04:002003-10-06T20:09:23.783-04:00Risk Analysis- Well folks, it finally happened. Roy of Siegfried and Roy was mauled by a tiger. I think Ray Charles saw that one coming. They go on stage everyday with a real tiger and prance around flamboyantly. I’ve seen enough Faces of Death Videos on Kazaa to know that isn’t the most brilliant idea. Now this just further proves my point that those stupid risk statistics are ridiculous. Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1062202925437446132003-08-29T20:22:00.000-04:002003-08-29T20:22:05.420-04:00Robes were definitely invented to hide morning woodAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1060585273948463182003-08-11T03:01:00.000-04:002003-08-11T03:01:13.910-04:00Wish Upon an Obscene Star- I really want to name a star. Now, I know that no one really ever hears about the obscure stars that people name, but I am going to name my star, AssLickCockPussyFucker. And maybe, just maybe, AssLickCockPussyFucker will be a comet headed for earth. And the news man will have to announce that. Wouldn't that be great? I mean, armegadon would suck, but the news wouldAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1060541471817251472003-08-10T14:51:00.000-04:002003-08-10T14:51:11.666-04:00Gregory Hines is dead. I guess he tapped out. Bah zing!Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1059964706726115942003-08-03T22:38:00.000-04:002003-08-03T22:38:26.700-04:00Donkey Kong Linguistics- Why is Donkey Kong a Gorilla? The first part of his name is donkey. I’m sure that his name was supposed to be Monkey Kong, but the Japanese screwed up the translation. “Yoki Phu Oshimoto Ko Puso” Translation: “Yoki, What is the American word for monkey?” Yoki mixed up Ds and Ms, and history changed forever. Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-1059635851133854802003-07-31T03:17:00.000-04:002003-07-31T03:42:36.343-04:00Dollar Store Fun- The next time you go in to a dollar store, browse the aisles until the clerk says “can I help you with anything?” Promptly respond, “Yea I’m looking for stupid shit. Do you have any stupid shit?” Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-934520532003-04-29T03:22:00.000-04:002003-04-29T03:24:41.000-04:00Russian Deterrence (Dead Baby Style)-I read a news story that is so ridiculous; I don't even know how to comment. In Russia, school children are going on field trips to a museum which houses deformed dead fetuses. The cast of dead characters includes a kid with one eye in the middle of his head, a girl with a flesh tail instead of legs, that looks like a mermaid, and a two faced baby. Teachers Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-933865282003-04-28T03:36:00.000-04:002003-04-28T03:37:54.000-04:00This girl I know said that if she got hit by a car, she would laugh. I said she probably wouldn't.
Vocabulary- Guncle (Gun-kul)- A gay uncleAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-932707912003-04-25T20:36:00.000-04:002003-04-25T20:36:39.276-04:00Terrible Vision- I really don't understand how some of my ancestors survived. Without my contacts or glasses, I can't see for shit. Everything is so blurry. If I were born in the days before glasses, I would have been running around flailing my arms around screaming, "somebody feed me! Somebody mate with me!" I wouldn't have been able to hunt down a tree. How I made it through evolution Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-930894252003-04-22T23:37:00.000-04:002003-04-22T23:38:39.000-04:00Brief Interruption for me to have a philosophical rant-I'm going to change pace with this post, and share a few thoughts. Today, I realized just how abused our species is. We are all so confused these days. There is so much information out in the world, so much mental stimulation, that we are all crazy and we don't even know it. We no longer can think for ourselves. We are told how to live Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-930090692003-04-21T18:55:00.000-04:002003-04-21T18:55:31.140-04:00Rat Race 2-Today was the Boston Marathon. Again this year, there were no winners. The Kenyan guy who finished first has to go back to Kenya. So he really isn't a winner. The woman who finished first amongst the women, didn't really win, because she didn't finish first amongst everyone. Wheelchair winner is an oxymoron. The winner of that race should get to be a stem cell guinea pig. There Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-929697032003-04-21T02:30:00.000-04:002003-04-21T02:30:28.543-04:00Rat Race to the Bathroom to Vomit- Well, I just saw one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Ranking up there with The Score, and Mr. Magoo, Rat Race has achieved the proud honor of sucking. Either this movie was written in the fifties or sixties, or was written for people of that age. It was just sooo silly and stupid. There were a few funny scenes, but most of it was just so annoying and Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-929445542003-04-20T16:33:00.000-04:002003-04-21T02:01:20.000-04:00Tattoo Blues- I really want to get a tattoo on my back shoulder. I've been trying to come up with all these really meaningful ideas, but all of them end up being ugly or pussied out. Most of the ideas, like Harold and the Purple Crayon drawing a sun, or an Alaskan Malamute, don't really mean that much to me anyway. The one idea that would have meaning would be a cartoon bird that my mom alwaysAdmuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-929075962003-04-19T19:26:00.000-04:002003-04-19T19:30:39.000-04:00Zoo Meat - I have been slipping with ideas for content this weekend, and so I decided to look on the "oddly enough" news section of Yahoo news to see if I could find something to talk about. There was this hilarious story about a 73 year old guy who used an air raid siren to shut his wife up. That was pretty funny. However, the story I want to talk about concerned the Baghdad Zoo. Apparently,Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-928545122003-04-18T16:07:00.000-04:002003-04-18T16:07:38.140-04:00Piss Boners- Gentlemen, do you ever get piss boners? It is when you have to pee really badly and you get a boner. My guess is because the bladder fills up to max capacity and then uses the wiener to hold the extra pee. No one else seems to get these, but I do. Is this God's way of telling me I should try water sports?Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-928146362003-04-17T22:49:00.000-04:002003-04-17T22:49:56.186-04:00Ben and Jerry's Bullshit Chunk Ice Cream- I like Ben and Jerry's ice cream, but I hate Ben and Jerry. If I ever saw them I would kick them in their vaginas. I am so sick of their whole little hippie act. If they are so earthy and lovey dovey, then why don't they make a small profit, and not rake in millions by charging an arm and a colon for their god damn ice cream. The real chunky Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-928065862003-04-17T19:39:00.000-04:002003-04-17T19:40:24.000-04:00The Pan Asia Holocaust Theory- In Germany, 1928, a snobby Jewish girl named Tova was at college outside of Berlin. She was at the dining hall and it was Passover. Hitler was the chef and the night's theme was Pan Asia night. There was a long line for food. She gave Adolf her veggies and he cooked them and mixed them with rice. After the rice was mixed in, Tova said, "Oh excuse me sir, I Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-928035962003-04-17T18:28:00.000-04:002003-04-17T18:28:53.856-04:00Liz Dumb- I sure feel bad for whoever marries Elizabeth Smart, the girl who was abducted and found like a year later alive. That bitch is going to have so much baggage. "Wah wah wah. Get me this. Get me that. Wah wah wah. I had a nightmare. Wah Wah wah. Emmanuel Brian Mitchell was better in bed. Wah wah wah." Then, there is her abductor, Emmanuel Brian Mitchell, who will learn the true Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-927954102003-04-17T15:39:00.000-04:002003-04-17T16:47:09.000-04:00Pass Pesach Over - Passover is such a joke. First of all, I am pretty sure that those little Heebs who ran away from Egypt, did so because they wanted to make sure that Jews didn't have to eat stupid foods when they didn't have to. Even if they did, I highly doubt they would condone some of the wacky foods that those silly little orthodicks think of. Kosher for Passover potato chips, cookies, Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-927906552003-04-17T14:03:00.000-04:002003-04-17T14:03:06.013-04:00Who Cares about Columbia?- If I see one more news story about what the hell went wrong with the Columbia space shuttle, I am going to move to Hong Kong to swim in public baby pools oozing with dead SARS babies. Every day, when I go to CNN.com or TV to find out about the silly anarchy in Iraq, or which cousin's friend's gynecologist of Saddam they found, I have to see one stupid headline about Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-927482992003-04-16T20:58:00.000-04:002003-04-16T21:00:44.000-04:00Color Poo -This world would be a little better if we all pooped different colors. The colors would depend on what we ate. They wouldn't just be dull, dark colors, like all the new sports uniforms. I'm talking bright, fun colors.Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-927467622003-04-16T20:24:00.000-04:002003-04-17T15:54:16.000-04:00Joe Muscles and Lifting-I just got back from the gym. I had to cut my visit short because it was ruined by this obnoxiously ripped guy (we will call him joe muscles), who was training this hot little chick. For the purpose of your visual re-creation, I will describe them. Joe Muscles was black with a shaved head, wearing a tight gray shirt. When I stood in front of him looked like a lower Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-927409732003-04-16T18:19:00.000-04:002003-04-16T21:02:01.000-04:00Wacky Weather-Today was 80 degrees out. Tonight it is going to be 30. How the fuck does that happen? This town (Boston) is such a jerk. Its like, "hey, you want a cookie...come get the cookie (cookie=warm weather)," and then it jerks the cookie back and is like "haha fuck you dick! More winter!" Haha boston. I get it. You are a cold city. Very funny. Can I have my spring please? No, Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5289950.post-927406212003-04-16T18:10:00.000-04:002003-04-20T16:37:38.000-04:00Intro to Fun with Scared Little Mammals 101-I'm not really sure how to use this whole thing yet, but I promise it will be damn interesting so be sure to check up on it. I am going to write about my thoughts and observations. Anyone who knows me knows that they will certainly be a little odd and pretty edgy, but strangely truthful. Reading my thoughts is sort of like eating mushrooms without Admuthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11583787789832060636noreply@blogger.com0